What’s Up

I originally planned on a “If You Only Had 24 Hours To Live, What Would You Do?” post of sorts but went against it the last minute cos anything related to endings is not how I would want to start my new blog with. Instead, I will write a list of twenty updates (I do hope I can make it to twenty!!) of this benign state I am in which I happen to call my life. Light topics, you know.

1 I have been jobless for one month and 18 days. Not the best way to start what’s supposed to be a happy list but yes, this is the reality that I’m facing everyday for the past six weeks or so. The optimistic side of me (that’s thriving to survive in a more often than not pessimistic environment) likes to believe that this is not my destiny but the ‘in-between’.

2 I might have gotten too attached to Korean dramas. The downside of having too much free time in my hands is that, to me,  it feels like it’s moving really slowly. Everything’s so slow-paced that I’ve had enough time to finish 20 episodes of Doctor Crush while simultaneously watching W and Uncontrollably Fond. This too shall pass, I know.

3 I am 24 years old and while I’m not entirely having quarterlife crisis, I think I suffer from regular bouts of questioning my life choices. I have internal debates every now and then and cried more than once while obsessing over my life plans.

4 Writing is my therapy. This is probably one of the most-abused cliches in the world of blogging but it speaks the truth for me.

5 Only very recently, I looked up what ‘taciturn’ meant after hearing this word from a song. It surprised me how this word suits me so well. I will remember to use this more often.

6 Over the past year, my life has gone through tremenduous changes and, in a way, these experiences have made me learn to stop being surprised at what life throws at my direction. As it is, life has taught me to always expect the unexpected.

7 I cannot cook to save my life. But at least I can now drive myself to the nearest Jollibee drive-through if I have to.

8 When I was fresh out of college, my friends and I planned to go to the Rio Olympics. It was 2012 at that time. Fast forward to this year, we never really got to do that. Instead, we are in the same city as we were in at that time, working jobs that could not afford us even a one-way ticket to Brazil. One day though.

9  I am only at number nine but I’m seriously considering trimming down the list to ten. I guess I’ve always been impatient in some ways.

10 I miss working as a nurse in a hospital. This ‘in-between’ sometimes drives me crazy and it does not help that most of the Korean dramas I watch (see number 2) have medical backstories. I miss the rush I get from saving lives (though ironically, I wasn’t able to do the same for my brother).

11 My younger brother died from a cardiac attack. I won’t dwell on that on this list but if anything, I hope that one day, I get to live in a world where everyone knows how to perform CPR.

12 I think it’s also brave to acknowledge that I’m not ready (and maybe I will never be) to be in a romantic relationship. I keep on questioning what I lack or when will I ever go out on a date but I don’t think the Universe is ready to give me answers just yet.

13 I am not afraid to die anymore. I used to think dying was the worst think that could happen to me but I had gone throught something more dreadful: seeing a loved one pass. This time, whenever I think of death, I get excited at the thought of seeing W again.

14 I hate my hair so much that I’ve put on a load of chemicals more than I think it could handle. Now, it’s all twigs and no actual-looking hair strands.

15 Probably the best thing I can say about myself is how I can get effortlessly witty and have a way with words. Other than that, I pretty much don’t have a personality. Haha.

16 My mom has always accused me of being secretive. While there is some level of truth to this, I don’t think the secrets I keep are worthing fussing over. Admittedly, I don’t open up a lot to her because a) my stories don’t seem worth sharing b) she doesn’t really ask much c) my mind is all over the place and I don’t want to worry anyone with that. I’d rather write about how I feel than put my heart on my sleeve. Taciturn.

17 I’ve been having daydreams of the future and these have been giving me both a good and a bad kind of scare. It is scary cos it pushes me to be more assertive with my application (which is basically my ticket to seeing that future happen) and it is scary cos I might end up disappointing myself if I don’t get there one day.

18 Chocolates are my weakness. People who give me chocolates get an automatic pass to my good list. Now that I think about it, this guy I’d been seeing bought chocolates on our first ‘date’.

19 I may come off as shallow on social media but my thoughts can pretty much thread through deep waters that it sometimes gets difficult for me to stay afloat.

20 I wake up with a purpose. I wake up to chase after a dream. It may look like I’m not doing so much about it but I do have something (and someone up there) that motivates me to keep going.