Two months today

It’s been two months since I left home in search for ‘greener pastures’. So much has happened in those two months, I must say. Nothing was easy but there was so much to be thankful for. There is so much to be thankful for. It still feels surreal some days but I’m trying to get used to that feeling while making sure it does not completely blind me from reality.

In those two months, I’ve learned how to trust and to not trust people. I’ve learned that the only person I can ever completely trust is myself. While not everyone is out to get me, I also cannot expect everyone to be true to me. I’ve learned to depend on myself even if it was the last thing I thought would be possible for me to do.

But while it was good to keep some things to myself, in those two months, I’ve also learned to open up to very few people. I’ve put some walls up but I’ve saved a door open for those whom I think are worthy of it. Most of these are those who I came with here, who were as clueless as I was of what would await us.

In those two months, I’ve learned to be prouder of the University I graduated from. I used to think that all the talk about it being one of the top performing Nursing schools in the Philippines was pure hype but it turned out it was not. Four years of vigorous training paid off on the days leading to the exam and on the exam day itself. It definitely felt rewarding.

In those two months, I’ve officially become a United Kingdom Registered Nurse. While this part here has not fully dawn into me yet as it only happened a few days ago, it has definitely redefined my purpose to wake up every morning. A month ago, I used to wake up to nerves, anxiety, and impending doom. After the results were out, everything that used to be greyscale felt more real and alive. My dreams (and Wency’s) are out there and I finally have means to chase them.

In those two months, I’ve learned to look after myself. I’ve done chores I never bothered doing back home and yes, I cook now. While I know it was inevitable, it still surprises me to remember how I’ve been cooking for more than a week now – not just for myself too!

In those two months, I’ve learned to be more open to my family and closest friends back home. It was difficult to have to reply to every single message I received in the first few days but I eventually got used to it. Though I don’t get to talk to my brother or my parents everyday, I try to make sure I get to see them (or to let them see me lol) once in a while just so they know I’m okay – and eating well.

In those two months, I’ve learned to get to know myself better. I’ve learned I can be alone without feeling lonely. I’ve learned I can do things if I put my heart to it one hundred percent. I’ve learned I can meet strangers and eventually treat them as friends. I’ve learned I can let go of people who have long let go of me. I’ve learned of my capabilities – some I never really got to explore when I used to be in the comfort of my own home. I’ve learned I can actually achieve something more worthwhile than the awards I used to get in school and I can discover my purpose this early on in life. I’ve learned I can be generous and grateful because really, we learn to share if our hearts swell with gratitude. I’ve learned to become a better person.

And I’m still learning.

It’s only been two months today and while I don’t know what to expect in the next few days, weeks, and months, I’m hopeful. I’m hopeful that, as I start with the first few days of the rest of my life, I will continue learning.